HAPPY NEW YEAR

I wish everyone a very Happy 2011. I made goals that I think I can make. This time of year is very depressing, only because my mom was dieing and I was living with her, My sister and I was talking and I told her I would do it all over again, but she felt mom should have went to Hospite but mom told me she wanted to die at home, Well from the time they told her and the time she passed was 85 days, I wanted to make sure mom was well taken care of with no abuse, I told mom I would be holding her hand, well almost, the hospice nurse was called around 10:00pm because mom was shutting down, after alot of morphine she was still in terrible trouble, while all of us surrounded her bed I was holding mom's hand and smelled a chemical smell, it was the the smell of death, when the hospice nurse said that I immediately got so sleepy I couldn't hold my eyes open any more so I laid down on the couch for 1/2 hr when my sister Bonnie woke me and said we are taking her to the hospital, I threw a hissy fit I told the nurse that was her job and she said I've been here all night and I need to help my other patients, so they called an ambulance I watched with tears them load her, by the time my sister and I got to the hospital she was gone. The GUILT still haunts me of not holding her hand like I promised, The Lord must have had his reasons for me getting so sleepy but I will never know why? She passed in 1996 and to this day I am so sad I didn't fulfill my promise, but I know she is in Heaven, I'm alot better with the guilt but it creeps back every now and then, Janice Damron you were so important to everyone, I hopes she knows what a huge funeral she had she had touched the lives of so many, with me never able to have children I really miss mom and dad,RIP