NOT GOOD NEWS

I saw the surgeon today and the news was not good, she explained to me that the blockage or scar tissue is lying on my pancreas and bowel and that it's too risky so she said she wanted me to try another medication Robinul, she said that was her silver bullet what ever that means. She said the surgery would cause me to loose weight and that's not good, and one wrong move on her part I could die , I guess there is a duct involvement that if they nick it, I could be worse or die so I am to call her on Friday and on Monday to see if the diaharri slows down, My life is in the restroom, then I get so weak I sometimes crawl back to my chair, I'm talking about every 2 hours I have diarrhea which looks like I poured Crisco oil in the toilet, my body is rejecting fats. Bur on the GOOD side she said I am still healthy enough to have very shinny hair and strong finger nails and I guess if it were worse I would be having straw for hair and who knows what kind of finger nails I would have. But I will report to her on Friday and on Monday and then I don't know what to do. my brain is trying to keep my spirits up and while sitting in her office I thought if I lived in Ethiopia I would look normal ha ha= I am sader than sad

I WILL MISS YOU TROLL=GOODBYE

Tonight or I should say this morning I couldn't sleep so I surfed the net and found one of my sights I visit is leaving myspace.I met another American Indian but not from the same tribe my line comes from, but what a surprise to tell her goodbye and that I will miss her thoughts on religion. You can never have too many friends and this gal knows people I know. Speaking of friends we both know I would like to take this moment to remember Floyd Kerr who passed away last week, I liked the troll man, he helped me move and he was a sweet man. Rest In Peace Troll, Oh Yeah I'm sorry I called you Troll, your friends forgot to tell me they only call you that behind your back, but you will always be Troll to me, I already have a Floyd.

SICK

Well Friends, I'm sorry to say the medicine Cholestyramine powder to help my pancreas didn't work. My body for some reason will not tolorate it, SOO, I called the doc and she said not take it. That I think was my last hope for my weight loss, but I'm going to keep LOOKING UP, If there happens to be a doctor following my blog I could use some advice, I did go visit Hospice Tuesday, even the word Hospice scares me, but what a wonderful organization, I'll talk with them again next week, mainly to learn to live with the loss of my health among other things. Lord my prayer today is to JUST ENJOY YOUR BEAUTIFUL SUN SHINE

I'M NOT GIVING UP

Well....Friends my doctor appointment didn't go too good. The surgeon told me it was up to me whether she did the surgery, she said due to the risk she was going to leave it up to me.I said YOUR THE DOCTOR you should know whether or not to do it and she said she felt I needed the surgery but that it wouldn't fix me completely, or could make me worse, I exclaimed it couldn't be worse she said believe me Becky it could be worse, but she put me on a enzyme for my pancreas to try and absorb more fat, but (I"ve been there done that) but I told her I took an enzyme but thought it was sand she said OH Well Then We will try the powder form (I threw up the sand stuff last year) I stopped at CVS picked up the script only to come home and find IT'S THE SAME SAND I TOOK BEFORE . I called her and she said take it with juice instead of water and come back next week and if I haven't gained 20 lbs by then we would regroup. WHAT THE HAY am I going to do I said Doc if I couldn't gain 10 LBS in 2 years how in this world do you think I can do it in 1 week. She said not to worry the 20 LBS was a leeway for the weight I will loose after surgery GREAT i WILL WEIGHT 80 LBS. LORD HELP ME OR TAKE ME ONE MY MIND SAYS BUT MY HEART SAYS IN DO TIME, SO IN THE MEAN TIME I AM NOT GIVING UP.

TIME FOR SPRING CLEANING

OK girls, it's time we go thru our underwear drawer and bring out our spring and summer undies. You know just because some of us are older, maybe skinny, maybe fat, who cares a cute set of undies will make us feel better, I need to go thru my closets, and drawers due to weight loss I need all new clothes, we have alot of consignment stores for jeans etc but undies strictly NEW Victoria Secret, Twice a year they have a great sale and the satin strap bras I love and if you have to wear low rider jeans then you need low rider undies. (OK LADIES THAT ARE SHY) Christians are allowed to wear sexy underwear, who See's them? Out with the winter white out with the pink and yellow and pastels. Oh yeah I think we are supposed to clean our house too ha ha ha that's funny.

THANK YOU LORD FOR FRIENDS

What a wonderful surprise I had Thursday two of my friends came for a visit and brought me this beautiful Lily. Rita and Kay are two of my favorite people, they are the kind of people who work for the Lord and never complain, Rita use to manage the funeral dinners at church Connie took over when Rita started going to Florida for the winter. (People die in the winter too) and Kay is a long long time friend her husband and my family go back to the 60's. Thank you Lord for FRIENDS. WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME OF FELLOWSHIP

I'M SO DISCOURAGED

Today was a very bad day for me. Fear and discouragement is setting in. First I wasn't able to go to Easter service I remember singing in the cantada and honestly every word of our arrangment meant something to me, and if I can't sing in the cantada I love listening to the choir sing it, I Missed singing He Arose, even tho I sang it at home it;s not the same. But one week from yesterday the 20th I go to see the surgeon, I need a bowel resection and I have been testing for one year last month, I've had 3 endoscopy,, I have had 3 colonoscopy, a stomach scan, a MRI of the Breast (the stomack scan picked up a large spot on my Breast and nothing but an MRI would satify them I wanted a ultra sound. The MRI show a shadow on the film after 3 weeks of pure stress not knowing and (listen to this )when the scan picked up the spot 3 weeks later I get a letter telling me I failed my mammogram (What happened to bedside manners) then it took another 3 weeks to have the test and get the results, Thank God it was a shadow on the film, They have removed my gall blatter because it was only functioning at 10%, Then I have this huge blockage right at the spot where the stomach empties and the scar tissue is laying on the pancreas and bowel and stomach (Forgot I went to Cleveland Clinic for a biospy of the pancreas because one specialist suspected pancreatic cancer) So out of 4 specialist 2 say operate 2 say it's way to risky, they say I could end up worse or worse yet I could die, but I went from a size 14 jeans to a size 0 in 2 months, I eat 6 small meals a day (Not cheap) I drink Enlive apple juice supplements 4 times a day and I eat the most fattening foods I can to try and gain weight, I weigh 90 LBS sometimes 100LBS if I cram all I can to eat. . So when I saw this fairy looking discouarged I thought that does it I need to get this off my chest. I want to ask you to lift me up in prayer and ask the Lord to calm my fears, I am ready to die but to be truthful I have only lead one person to Christ and I am ashamed of that fact I should have won alot more. Thanks for listening.

SPANKY HATES HIS EASTER PRESENT

OK Don't laugh I can explain. Every spring the dandelions make beautiful yellow flowers in our yard BUT when the pretty yellow goes away they turn into long stems with little fly away thingies on them and they hit Spank in the face, Soo I thought I would protect his eyes with googles. OMGoodness he was so humiliated he dropped to the floor and would not move until I took them off I told him when I first had to get glasses I hated it too, but that didn't help. Shucks I thought I had the answer. Any ideas someone may have to help me out. And PLEASE don't tell me I'm crazy, I already know that. Oh don't tell me to treat my dandelions, I live in the country and I don't think the corn fields surrounding my house will mind.

TELL THEM BECKY SENT YOU

I always get so sad on Good Friday since I first heard what Jesus went thru on the cross, and for God who had to give up his only Son just so that I could be Forgiven of all of my sins and go to Heaven. Can you believe it, We did nothing to deserve this wonderful Grace, and Jesus did nothing to deserve the horrible punshiment He took for me and you. The crown of thorns I thought was bad enough but when our Pastor explained what a Cat of Nine Tails was and how the way they had Jesus feet crossed and His hands nailed, They stretched Him as far as they could, and in order for Him to breath He had to lift Himself up with his feet to get a breath only to fall back in the horrible position My Savior was in, The crowd threw rocks had Him, Called Him names, Spat on Him, He had to carry the cross they nailed him on, and it wasn't light in weight, He endured horrific torture for me and for YOU. If you don't already know that God is REAL and He sent His sinless Son to take away our sins, Even tho He was tempted in every way, to take our sins and pay for them so that sin could be forgiven. You have to believe this and if you have doubts in todays world that is understandable but the truth is This really happened, On Good Friday Jesus died for all of our sins and they buried him in a tumb and on Easter Sunday, He Arose from the grave victorious over death. God Loved Us that is why He had to do this and Jesus died in order for us to come to Heaven. If you don't already know Christ as your Savior if you pray this simple little prayer you will be forgiven for all your sins and become a child of God, Your name will be written a the lambs Book of Life and when you die God will look for your name, if it is not there God will say He never knew you. Won't you ask Christ into your heart today by repeating this little prayer. Jesus I believe you died for my sins on the cross I ask You to come into my heart and forgive me for all of my sins, I believe you rose from the grave on the third day and still live today and I want to accept You into my heart. If you prayed this little prayer go this Sunday to a church and tell them Becky Sent You, Don't be afraid you won't know anyone. YOUR FATHER IS THERE WAITING FOR YOU. I,LL SAY A LITTLE PRAYER TOO, I'LL TELL MY FATHER YOUR COMING AND HE WILL DO THE REST. Then He gives us a Best Friend to teach us everything we need to know from the moment we accept Christ as our Savior He sends the Holy Spirit to tell us what to do next that is our Best Friend. I hope you sincerely prayed that little prayer, Truly it isn't nearly as complicated as some think, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE

PEACEFUL

The dictionary defines peaceful not quarrelsome, free from disturbance, calm, of or characteristic of a time for peace. This is my prayer.