I'M SO DISCOURAGED

Today was a very bad day for me. Fear and discouragement is setting in. First I wasn't able to go to Easter service I remember singing in the cantada and honestly every word of our arrangment meant something to me, and if I can't sing in the cantada I love listening to the choir sing it, I Missed singing He Arose, even tho I sang it at home it;s not the same. But one week from yesterday the 20th I go to see the surgeon, I need a bowel resection and I have been testing for one year last month, I've had 3 endoscopy,, I have had 3 colonoscopy, a stomach scan, a MRI of the Breast (the stomack scan picked up a large spot on my Breast and nothing but an MRI would satify them I wanted a ultra sound. The MRI show a shadow on the film after 3 weeks of pure stress not knowing and (listen to this )when the scan picked up the spot 3 weeks later I get a letter telling me I failed my mammogram (What happened to bedside manners) then it took another 3 weeks to have the test and get the results, Thank God it was a shadow on the film, They have removed my gall blatter because it was only functioning at 10%, Then I have this huge blockage right at the spot where the stomach empties and the scar tissue is laying on the pancreas and bowel and stomach (Forgot I went to Cleveland Clinic for a biospy of the pancreas because one specialist suspected pancreatic cancer) So out of 4 specialist 2 say operate 2 say it's way to risky, they say I could end up worse or worse yet I could die, but I went from a size 14 jeans to a size 0 in 2 months, I eat 6 small meals a day (Not cheap) I drink Enlive apple juice supplements 4 times a day and I eat the most fattening foods I can to try and gain weight, I weigh 90 LBS sometimes 100LBS if I cram all I can to eat. . So when I saw this fairy looking discouarged I thought that does it I need to get this off my chest. I want to ask you to lift me up in prayer and ask the Lord to calm my fears, I am ready to die but to be truthful I have only lead one person to Christ and I am ashamed of that fact I should have won alot more. Thanks for listening.